Falko made sure I never fall. And yes I didn’t - mainly cuz of the support he gave me. I was thinking I can stand strong alone. Now the music is starting to sink into my head.

For certain situations I do need a person by my side. And I only want MY significant other to be the one. For me to lean against him and for him to guide me through the dark clouds.

Call me a weak dependant girl. Because at times yes I am.

Daphne hates Rocky for doing so to her.

Daphne is disappointed NOW because they were suppose to be friends.

And friends don’t swear to each other.

p/s the year has just started and here i am with a crappy post

My Horcruxes again proved to me that they’re indeed big part of my soul. No them no me. No them no life. =)

I took the bus on Sunday with a heart as heavy as myself. Heavier actually. The moment I reached Semeling, I felt sick. Okay okay I shouldn’t blame this ‘innocent’ place. I was sick since the day before. But that was NOT the rain’s fault. Rain is too innocent to cause sickness. So I self-diagnosed that pending notes and bulking workload are the main causes of my loss of appetite, indigestion,  lethargy, fever and lack of energy. Lack of energy will take the blame for my all-the-time sleepiness.

The poster competition is on for the past 2 weeks. But my group has just started to compile things two days ago. I’m very sure we’ll finish the work soon. How soon? Depends on our speed and resources. Been up in the cafe till 12 a.m. every night. Well, it’s not all new to me but staying up for group work is tiring. Ouch, my back aches! We still got few more things to go.

• Address pamphlets
• Pockets for the pamphlets
• Pics (my part)
  
• Info
• Flags
• The 3D stuff

Yesterday I got to know how Mr.Jerk got qualified as a jerk. We fought earlier and I spoke ill about him. Isn’t a noble thing to do yet that’s what normal people do when they’re pissed with someone. And I’m perfectly a normal person. I admitted to him about whatever I’ve spoken about him and all. C’mon that’s a noble thing alright. He asked for apology and I’ve given him that. He knew sorry is my weakness and took full advantage of it. But he spoke behind my back after we were friends again. I never even imagined he would do that. For all the while he’s been avoiding any conversation I thought I made a mistake or something. But actually he was nicely bad-mouthing me. God bless him. Bloody Betrayer. And he calls himself a noble person and claims my trust? Trust is like hymen, once penetrated forever penetrated.

]]> http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/2008/12/every-good-thing-ends-with-a-frustrating-beginning/feed/ http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/2008/12/uneasiness/ http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/2008/12/uneasiness/#comments Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:43:10 +0000 Rathy Potter http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/?p=123 I’m feeling lonely. I hope this is not the pre-being-home syndrome. I really don’t wish for a drama this time I’m back. Too many relatives around creates drama. Or at least it’s been that way with my family so far. Things seemed good till half an hour ago. Maybe my eyes are too tired and it makes my mind being tired as well. Normally tired minds wish to sleep. But mine shouts for attention. AND again more drama.

is

sad

.

Rocky

finds

Daphne

boring

.

Daphne

walks

to

the

carrot

stacks

and

sits

there

alone

.

MASIH RAGU-RAGU

Hatinya masih ragu-ragu untuk katakan si dia mencintai kamu walaupun buat masa ini hanya kamu sahaja di hatinya. Pengalaman cintanya yang menyakitkan membuatkan si dia jadi takut untuk bercinta buat kali kedua dan lebih selesa untuk berkawan sahaja denganmu. Walaubagaimanapun usah bimbang, kamu masih ada harapan untuk memenangi hatinya dengan meneruskan sahaja sikap kamu selama ini. Percayalah, lama-kelamaan si dia pasti akan meluahkan juga perasaannya padamu. Namun satu yang perlu kamu ingat ialah si dia tidak suka kamu mendesak atau memaksanya membuat keputusan. Biarkan sahaja dia melakukannya dengan rela dan ikhlas.

TEMAN TAPI MESRA

Sudah terang bagaikan bersuluh, kamu hanya dianggap sebagai seorang sahabat ataupun lebih tepat lagi teman tapi mesra. Si dia menjadikan kamu tempatnya meluahkan segala masalah dan rasa selesa bersama kamu kerana sikap kamu yang tidak pernah mengharapkan apa-apa balasan di atas masa yang kamu luangkan untuknya mendengar setiap masalah yang ditanggungnya. Sebaiknya kamu jangan mengharapkan apa-apa daripada si dia terutamanya perhubungan lebih daripada seorang sahabat. Andai kamu tetap berharap dan si dia tahu ianya pasti akan lebih menyakitkan. Si dia akan rasa terhutang budi dengan kamu dan tidak sampai hati mengecewakan perasaan kamu. Lalu akan menerima kamu kerana terpaksa. Perhubungan atas dasar terpaksa atau simpati pasti tidak akan bertahan lama. Jadi teruskan sahaja persahabatan yang terjalin.

I’m like a lotus floating in between.

Next let’s talk about the main purpose my dad paid 23K to AIMST revenue account. First CA wasn’t that bad actually. But of course it would have been better if I was more prepared. The usual comment I give after each exam. Rat, when will you learn your lesson? Now, right after the first CA alright. God I’ve learned my lesson FINALLY and I promise will do more organized preparation for the upcoming CA’s and Finals so pleaaaaaassssssssssseeeeeeee pass me in all papers. Especially that damned D paper. And oh ya also the P paper. And since you’re here why don’t also the A paper.

So after the CA, what are we suppose to have? Say it louder please. Oh ya holidays. You know the break that we students will be looking forward to right after exams. But hey we BDS students have too much of free slots so we don’t have any holidays. But hey we had the weekends all for ourselves. BIG DEAL. That’s what I thought till the Butterworth trip with the bunch of crazy people. What more can I say when I had tremendous amount of fun without looking at the time? We went without any specific plans. We only had the location and our main agenda in mind. Movie marathon, yeah! Hottie Craig. Witty Madagascar. Uncountable Pictures. Loud Painful Bumpy. Late Night Mamak. And the list stops. But the fun continued. So all in all thanks to each and every one who made the weekend such a memorable one. Hema.Jivan.Prashy.Ray.Shang.Rash.Nithya.Kalai.Sharlene.Shasha. Thanks a bunch guys! Heart heart heart u people =)

I’m in the state of confused now.So somebody please enlighten me. Is it wrong if we want to express dissatisfaction of certain close friend’s attitude? It may be his character but shouldn’t short temper be eliminated from all of us? So if your friend actually shows his tantrum to other friends and that action of his actually embarrasses others, what should you do as a friend?Just keep quiet because it doesn’t affect you (he didn’t show his tantrum to you after all) or be a good friend and advice him? Maybe I am not anywhere near Buddha to advice others about attitude but am I not a friend at least? I just don’t want him to lose his already few friends. How can he survive without even some patience? You may be smart to outsmart me with words of justification but every other people in this world want some niceness to be shown to them. You are perfectly alright to me. Even if you’re not to others but I can sense that you’re going out of your way to be nice to me. That’s soothing. Very very soothing and I deeply appreciate that. But I wish it’s in your basic character and you treat every others in that way. If you can actually have some trust in me that I won’t disappoint you, then you can do it to others too. How long are you going to live alone without mingling with anyone? How far can you really go without the company of others? We’re not all Robinson Crusoe’s, are we? So people tell me, am I being an idiot by telling my friend this? Or for wanting him to understand the importance of people in his life? Or should I just mind my own business by letting him be whatever that he wants to be? Or is it the way I told him? Maybe I was harsh myself. He being harsh to others doesn’t attain me the license to be harsh to him as well. So maybe I should apologize to him for being hell rude to him. But I wish so much that he will actually modify his way of viewing others as deceivers. There are so many people out there who are as sincere as Doraemon. If only he could see how much of confidence we actually get by being in certain people’s presence.

Next venture : Seval. Which i actually enjoyed watching. I checked out few reviews and everyone stated it wasn’t a good Hari performance. But I enjoyed it more than Thamirabarani and even Vel. Those movies were more on the action side and had very few heart warming scenes. Where as Seval was a story between two lovers and how people around them became their obstacle. Well nothing new in the storyline since it became the core story for almost EVERY recent Tamil movies. But I liked the way Bharath actually wooed the girl, Poonam. Even though he fell for her almost at the first moment seeing her. But her reason for falling for him was way stronger than most of the female protagonists in recent movies. Him confessing by writing their names on a slide, her refusing by giving him a responsible task, him realizing she’s actually too good for him by others mentioning it and avoiding her, her starting to have a soft spot for him, him saving her (dramatic yet it blends well with the story), him admitting her dad’s offence (again dramatic yet who cares aite) and finally her confessing to him. It was more than just a boy-meets-girl love.

After watching so many movies with girls in skimpy clothes, Seval was so soothing with everyone in saree and half-saree. No unwanted item songs, no girls in transparent saree dancing in rain, no smooching scenes. However there were too much of crude words and violence. Well i’m no more a kid but i didn’t quite like it. Comedy scenes in Seval were way better than in Aegan. Although there were few off-track comedy scenes yet they’re excusable when Vadivelu actually helped in the flow of the story rather than just a laughing stock. Now songs. I liked almost all the songs. Yes they were kutthu songs. but hey the setting is in a village full with orthodox community in 1989 (!). So the theme kinda blended with the tone of the movie. Even though Simran’s character wasn’t anything meaty yet I loved watching her. She looks the best in saree cuz of her hip and height. Well in my humble opinion so. =)

The previous post was about putting it an end but at this moment i’ve realized i can’t. how long more to hold on to just memories? Someone please enlighten me. Or give me a reason to knock me back to reality. The more i try to forget, the more it sinks into my memories. I thought memories just linger but I never knew they can stay this strong. After talking to Sanjay and Thivy about our pasts, it’s like so fresh in my mind. Amazingly it can bring me smiles. I don’t feel bad or guilty or anything negative. But isn’t it unhealthy to keep on holding on when the right thing to do is move on?

“You know you still love him when memories continue lingering  around”

]]> http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/2008/10/back-to-the-start/feed/ http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/2008/10/im-back/ http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/2008/10/im-back/#comments Wed, 01 Oct 2008 07:06:35 +0000 Rathy Potter http://maithily-misspotter.blog.friendster.com/?p=95 darling bloggie,

i’m back for good.. =)

since i started it here and spent most of the time talking bout it here..i think it’s the best to put it to an end here. i know the end is nowhere in sight. but at least i can convince myself i’ve taken my last dosage of ignorance. i’m aware that i’m not in the position to complain but i can feel bad anytime. cause i’m concern and you’re not. again i know i don’t have the rights to judge yet my humble statement is : i’m a normal human.

-not tired of being a well-wisher-

http://www.rathinumberone.wordpress.com

Feel free to drop by! cheerz!

“ Ippadiye ipaddiye iranthuvida koodatha?                        Ippadiye kaalanggal urainthuvida kodatha? ”

[ Why can’t I just die at this second? Why can’t this moment just freeze? ]

I do wish some moments will just freeze. Time doesn’t have to move or creep, they just have to stand still. Those moments when I was happy internally and externally. Not just the normal crap I give about being happy. Even now I can feel the sensation of him against me. This can get too vulgar like my diary and people going to think this is a porn blog.

Sometimes when I see others being so much in love, I become curious whether I’ll get the same chance. They can wait for 3 years without losing the hope and confidence. They can be together for 6 years through thick and thin. They can be willing to give more than what they are going to gain. They can live based on possibilities. Yes or No. Not as simple as I’m typing. The disappointment they’re going to face is too high yet they still can hang on to faith and belief.

I tried imagining Rathi in that kind of situations and ended up with a big sigh. There used to be days I was craving for him, loved him more than anything else, wiling to go through thick and thin together, helped each other a lot and yes, he was giving more than gaining. Yet, it didnt turn out well eventually. Things were not like I’ve expected and I fell again.

How many times do I have to put in hope and got shattered? And each time I bent down to pick my pieces, there will be anyone around ready to walk over me. Of course there were helping hands too, I’m grateful for that but still it’s me who got hurt and I was the one had to help myself. I don’t open up to others not because I’m egoistic but each time I start putting my soul into someone, they’ll just disappear and make myself empty. Let them be friends, besties, boyfriends. Let it be anyone. I’ll start relying on them and they’ll just leave like I’m a nobody. So I got tired and bottle up everything to myself.

Now even if I want to be so involved, I can’t and I don’t think I’m going to try. That chapter of my life has ended and god knows when it will start again.

“Your presence gave me hope and strength; now that you’ve gone I’m empty inside and out”

I just cant wait to meet my s’wan friends. We planned to meet up for lunch on Saturday. Hey,guys it’s already 10 months since we last met {most of them} and I’m just too excited! The next time i’m going back will be in November only. That will be another 10 days of own-declared-holiday.

Gotta be serious after this. Countdown starts : 44 more days for exam. And i’m here relaxing, watching movie and having fun. Rat,please be serious and get back to work.Even maths is in pending for quite some time now.

I’m missing my mom so much. I coudnt spend enough time with her the last time we met in SSu. All of us were too busy with the tiruvila till no time for ourselves. This time i’m back,i’m gona spend as much time as i can with her. S’wan, here I come! =)

Snjy,if you’re reading this,please bear in mind that you’re also my good friend. As how i always say, my closest guy friend. And yeah, i simply love to talk to you. Not to burden you with my problems but to get the interesting feedback i get from you. The more you contract, the stronger i feel. so thanks for being there at the right moments and for the concern you have for me.

Today we went for CHENNAI 600028 in the Medical Faculty. Narresh, you didnt come oso. Shoot you! I am so so so glad that i did. i had 2 1/2 hours of good laughs.  Laughter is one my favourite sound, and being with a whole bunch of people who were laughing their way throughout the movie was awesome. This lifted my spirit again. Helps me to put away my unwanted fear. The movie was simply superb. I kept on forgetting that i’ve already watched the movie cuz i was so excited as if it’s the first time for me. All of us had a good time indeed. We were cheering and screaming as if the match was for real. Aww,i like the guy Nithin and Siva so much! *there goes*

Met Sheela for the first time today. Just for few while but was just nice for me to express my gratitude to her. Sheela,if you’re reading this,lemme tell u something.i can never express how much i’m grateful that you were there when i needed someone. i duno what made me open up to you[at least a lil] but somehow i was comfy talking to you. thanks to snjy for making us so connected even without meeting each other. I really hope you’ll get everything that u deserve in life. luv ya!

All in all, today wasnt an ordinary day. i had classes, Bio quiz and then the movie which was wow! and meeting Sheela,which was another Wow! I feel blessed cuz surrounded by people who care for me and thanking god for granting me such a wonderful world.

There is something in me saying My world again and again. for me, my world is just nice for me,let it be small big dumb illogical but i like it the way it is. i cant change myself into someone who i am not.if that is the way i think, that is the way. and if people want me to change into something who i’m not,then yes you gona face the world’s most pathetic hypocrite. but again, i do practice split personality in certain stuffs. like i said in earlier post,it does wonders you know?

Paranoid is the only word i can use for myself now. Rat, the Paranoid. Rhymes. Pressure. That phone call. Becoming more like Mani’s movies eh? well,how else will i feel? laughing outside, but having this troublesome heart inside. i just cant sit alone anymore. there used to be times when i love being alone. that is when i get new ideas, get creative and produce better writings. it seems to be ages now. whenever i’m alone i’m thinking about the same thing. whenever i come online,i’m surfing sites regarding that. like i’m gona know 100% bout it. and the main lacking point is : it’s not proven YET. eeeiii!!! tomoro i have bio standardized quiz and i’m here blogging and surveying. I just cant concentrate. Rat,personal advice: PLEASE GET A LIFE! stop grumbling and get back to work!

P/s after typing this much,now i got the right word that makes me being paranoia  : NERVOUS

I’ve been home for the past few days. of course i feel relieved being back in my nest, comfortable and loving, but it leaves me longing. i wish i have 100 years of life. Just to enjoy my current life as much as i can. one my batchmate’s death makes me appreciate my own life even more than before. i do treasure people and my life alot since few of my past encounters.I’m just feeling like expressing my gratitude to God for giving me such a blessed life.

Family : Ram,you’ve granted me the best family ever.we do have few small flaws but i never view them as flaws.for me they’re the qualities that make us bonded even closer. with all the flaws,we still love each other selflessly. i can never ask for a better family since i have an open-minded dad, understanding mom, friendly brothers and sister, a mom-like aunt and dad-like uncle and my second home. even when i reborn,i want the same family members. they’re my Horcruxes and i can never lead a life without them. for them: I love you with all the four chambers of my heart.

Friends: Friends are people who we choose for ourselves. in that case i do have many good friends around me. maybe it’s my friendliness but it’s also because of them i’m still having them by my side. ASH : you’re my bestie and u now that.all that we’ve gone tru together will never be fotgotten by me.all those sweet memories when you were still in sitiawan. hanging out together during class times, eyeing guys, discussing the way to make ourselves noticeable, bit*hing bout her, having things coming our way, laughing our as* off, skipping tuition classes, attending those nites of our school, lending each other shoulders when we needed one.I love you too much! =) DEVAKI:we know how much of fights our friendship has gone through yet we did manage and here we stand as the best of friends. now anytime we have something in mind,we know whom to call. it’s so nice to be on the bike with you.u gave the believe that i have someone there for me.. YUSHA: i know things were abit haywire between us.i also feel that i’m partially at fault. but i duwan to indulge in past but to look forward. i am looking forward to make it up with you and start it all over again. we still care for each other, i know that.and our memories togetha are still with me foreva!=) SANJAY: something tells me that you’re reading this now. instinct eh? you may never know that your presence gives me strength. a thought that there’s a good friend being caring for me all the time in AIMST of course gives me extra willpower to give it a go. and i just wan you to know that i am always there for you too. =) SHA: my God-Sis,i love too much to let u go too.i appreciate those times you took to be with me when i was happy and sad. i seldom open up,but i did to you.cuz i know you’re understanding and matured when it comes to solving problems.

FALKO: you deserve a special mention for all the things you’v done for me and for the worse way i cud repay you. you gave me care,i gave you sorrow; you gave me smiles, i gave you tears; you gave me love, i gave you heartache; you gave me hope, i shattered yours; you gave me shoulder to lean on,i backed off when i shouldn’t have; you lifted me up whenever i felt down, but what i gave u was complete heartache. I know i was really unfair to you. all those promises which i really meant earlier became mere words cuz i didnt keep them till the end. but all that you gave me after all these chaos are prayers. prayers so that i’ll be fine. i can never repay you for those fun-loving moments we’ve shared together. cant even say sorry cuz you definitely deserve much more than that. -.-

~ Rat ~

it has been very very long ago since i’ve added a post.it’s not that i’ve stopped writing,which is one of my passions,but i just turned my attention to my Secreto. there have been many changes in my life throughout 2007. 206 gave me unforgetable memories and closed the curtain with another grief. gotta make one of the hardest decisions in my life. but being rathi,i did manage to go through everything quite brilliantly. i let go half of my long time planning of entering college and went to AIMST instead. Again my parents proved that they know the best, cuz after joining,i’m grateful that i didnt make the wrong choice.

If any wrong one,that would be me. for trusting. of course dumbledore says, trust with open heart and you’ll gain what you want. okay,i didnt open my heart entirely, i will never do that,not to anyone but GOD alone. but does it matter? i hope i learnt a lesson and go with my brain again. never let heart to become the master, for it will try to possess everything. being possessed and rely on others for my happiness? naah,that’s so not Rathi.no matter what people say,i am me.yes,i am arrogant, slefish,egoistic,dominant,argumentative,so what?it’s my life,you’re just living in it. (not referring to anyone,just felt like shouting to the whole world to stop asking me to change).i hate changes. but i love to ponder bout changes that i’ve been through.to the better,to the best.

i live with a circle around me and the only point that will be forever there unchangingly is my family. i know wherever i am ,whatever i become,they are the one cheering, praying,guiding,grieving,lifting me up and loving me dearly without any expectations..like how i am loving them with all the four chambers of my heart.

Do i sound so depressed?i think i do,but actually to be honest i don’t.i feel disturbed a bit,just few pinches,but i’m perfectly alright.i’ve been even more disturbed than this. not this time. cuz i saw it coming all the way long. i don’t know,sometimes it’s creepy to say that my instincts tell me things. but in another way,it keeps me prepared. most of the times,visions of whats gona happen will come and go. it wont happen exactly the same(or else i must be well married to Pritvi..aww!) but it will somehow resemble it. so call me a psychic?no,call me a witch instead.i would love to own a wand and cast spells.or well of indulge in writing.

Holidays going to end.break gona break. and another 4 more months,which means school holidays,which means hinny will be free,which means i cant go on vacation, which means i might be not attending my family gathering.gosh!growing up in so troublesome.keep them close, keep them far. who are they?for me to know.

p/s i know it’s a blo0dy long post but who cares,it’s my blog after all,i have the rights to say anything that matters me as long as i don’t offend anyone.(if i did, like i’m going to care)

love always,~phenolph~

Moms understands us the best,people say.I doubt so.At least times,they understand others’ feelings more than ours,even though we’re in the same situations.And it hell hurts when they say we’re pretending to grab attention.we don’t have to when we’re really depressed.And we feel down to be pushed even down but we long for any hands that will lift us up.In that case,i had few other hands which really helped me to gather myself.Arshia was the main hand and i appreciate her so much.She was there all the times i needed her and i’m so sorry that her situation turned out to be alike mine.Sugi,even though wasn’t her that time but her presence later make her special and loved always.Not to mention,i had a few people whom i can really talk openly and they are pretty good listeners.

*BEING CARED IS THE SWEETEST THING IN THE WORLD*

The day i can never forget.I’m not intended to elaborate anything here.Cause i’m saving whatever had happened in my mind.Only GOD knows how i felt during each moment and how much would i sacrifice and give up just for the seconds to freeze.To the person concerned : I simply loved the moment!

27/12/2006         4.00 a.m.

Another day i will never forget and will never exchange it with anyone or anything. Finally I am in …. haha..start crapping..but seriously this is NOT a crap..anyone says this is a total Crap,u guys gona b screwed up..hey,i’ve oredi stayed for 14 days in ssu..FalKo,i oredi followed what u said..so next time dun keep on merajuk k..i wont pujuk u redi after this..hik3..

28/12/2006

i bought The Marriage Market by Nisha Minhas..yeah!!plus with The Da Vinci Code.. so altogether i have 6 bukz to finish up..wow..dt will make my 3 mths..